For When You Think You Can Do It All

This morning I woke up to feeling like my To-Do List is too long, my Dream List is too impossible, and my Can’t Do List is too large. This morning I woke up wanting to return my new found independence as a recent college graduate. Now that school is over, wasn’t this my big moment? Wasn’t this the time where I proved to the world, my family, and to myself that my college degree was worth every ounce of debt I now proudly hold?  After all, look at me now…

Since graduation, I’ve spent most of my time and money feeding the social butterfly I neglected while hibernating in the library for the past four years. When I’m not socializing I have about 5 half-thought-out inventions or business plans that will surely take me to the top. And when I’m not becoming the next Bill Gates, I am finding holes in my schedule for workout plans and self-help books that people have been subtly or not so subtly buying for me since I graduated high school. I’m an adult now!

So while I’m acting like I enjoy myself and am responsibly becoming the adult I was always meant to be, why do I feel this way? Why do I still feel like I am drowning in the mere hopes of a successful future? Maybe doing it all isn’t the solution.

I have so much going on- all good things from the outside looking in- that my overflowing schedule, agenda, and spending flood onto other aspects of my life- maybe even aspects or people who didn’t ask for it. I want to give my time and money and energy to those who need help, friends or strangers, but I can’t give them something I have already spent. Maybe trying to do it ALL is the problem; maybe I am just expected to do what I can.

So what if I stopped doing it all and just did some? Does life have to be all or nothing? I would like to argue that life can be fulfilling with just some. What if I spent some of my time and saved some of it for when a friend calls unexpectedly? Or maybe I spend some of my money and saved some of it for when my dreams actually need funding… or for when a friend’s card gets declined at dinner. (Because let’s be real… I’ve been the friend whose card gets declined on more than one friend date.) Maybe I work hard towards some of my dreams, the prioritized dreams, and channel my energy into making each one important and successful on its own timing? Then with my big shiny dream sitting on my shelf I can move onto some other dreams. Doesn’t having it all at a slower pace mean peace?

I vote for some right now and all eventually over all the stress of all right now. I hope you will too.

Cheers to doing some things well and saying “not right now” to others, because after all… look at me now!

– Sarah

Oh Holy Week

This?

THIS is what Holy Week looks like?

A hot mess with a side of ratchet? Can anyone else relate?… And if you think this looks bad, you are just lucky I can’t capture my emotions or my thoughts in a photo to share. After all, my outsides are almost always a reflection of my insides.

But maybe it is more than the pile of clothing I feel necessary to try on each day before work. Maybe it is more than the stacks of to-do lists that seem to replenish faster than I can complete them. Maybe, just MAYBE, this week is more than finals and weddings and flash cards.

I thought to myself as I was getting ready this morning, ‘This week Satan has had all hands on deck. With the chaos and the worry and the doubt and the high emotions. Of all weeks, he couldn’t give me a break this week? This precious week?’

And then Jesus met me.

He reminded me that I do not have fluctuating value. I am not the stock market. My worth was permanently made known on the cross. A completed to do list, or folded laundry pile, or cleared off kitchen table CANNOT add to me.

He reminded me that I am an individual. That from my fingerprints to my sense of humor. I am special. My outward appearance or comparison to others’ successes DOES NOT make me any less unique.

He reminded me that I am blessed. Blessed with two pups I get to call my own. Blessed with a nephew I can’t wait to squeeze. Blessed with a car that moves forward. Blessed with 80+ girls that asked me to lead them. And Blessed by words that come in the sweetest of moments.

He reminded me that He is my hope. That I need nothing but Him. I should desire nothing but Him. And that His sacrifice will always be the greatest love story of all time.

So. I hope your Holy Week was a WHOLE LOT more holy than mine; but if it was a WHOLE LOT messier than you expected, there is good news. This week is HOLY because of a God who is HOLY. So there is still time to forget all of the other stuff and to remember the HOLINESS of CHRIST and what He did for you.

Remember that because of Him, because of what happened during Holy week, you are valued, unique, and blessed. And most importantly you can have hope.

Stories.

One of my favorite things to do when I am driving alone in my car is to write the stories of the drivers around me. I pretend the business man is speeding to get to the birth of his first son. Or the old woman driving extremely slow is taking a nice leisurely drive like she used to do before the world became so busy and technologically filled. The two college-aged girls are discussing the cute boy that sits in front of them in their math class…. These stories aren’t true. Maybe that is the part I love about them. I will never know if I am right or wrong. I will never be able to know where they are actually traveling to. Sometimes that is the best part, isn’t it? You can look at something and never know its story. You just have to hope it’s a good one.

 

These steps. I take them everyday to get to class. I have to walk up a horridly large hill and then I find myself at the bottom of these steps. I dread them. I doubt there is a moment throughout my day that contains more self-loathing than when I walk up these steps. But it’s not the steps I hate it’s their location and the context that they sit at the top of a hill that was difficult to climb. But what’s the story of the steps? I can’t hate them. It would be an injustice to hate something so mysterious. I’ll never know what scenes they have seen. What moments these steps have assisted. Maybe there is a couple that softly kiss on these steps. They walk down them on a romantic stroll in the midst of collegiate chaos. How could I hate a story like that?

 

Or this swing. I adore this swing. Unfortunately, I’ve never even swung on it. But I think it is beautiful. I find it enchanting. Like the world would pause if I only took the moment to sit on it and ponder for a while. However, I pass this swing immediately after I climb the steps you saw above, which means I am rushing to class and I never find time to sit on it. I can only imagine all the stories it holds. It sits on the front porch of a chapel on Religious Row on campus, so I think of all the prayers there. I think of the songs of praise sung, the whispers of confession spoken on it. Isn’t just breathtaking?

 

This is my favorite spot on campus. No one would know it. I’ve never walked in this door. I couldn’t even tell you what the building is called. It sits across from the cafeteria. I would sit and look at it while I quickly scarfed down some breakfast before I ran to class last year. Today I walked out of my way to snap a photo of it. I wonder what stories it holds. I bet there are tons. Wonderfully exciting and unique to it. Doesn’t it just look delightful? Maybe one day, I will have time to stop and listen to what goes on in the building. Maybe then I can write it a story that would be closer to accuracy than what I can currently come up with. I bet they are great stories.

Look around you. There are stories everywhere. If someone doesn’t sit down and write them what will happen to them? Where will they go? Who will they get told to? I can only imagine…. but I guess that’s just the reason I want to be a writer. To take on the duty of writing them. So things’ and people’s stories can be heard. No matter how unnoticed they are. Someone thinks they are important. If not, they wouldn’t be there and then there wouldn’t be a story to tell…

 

– Sarah

 

Books.

Writing comes naturally to me. So I have found the past several months to be difficult when I cannot find time or energy or purpose to write. It seems that the days are being filled with everything from school work to work work to friends to sleep to cooking and cleaning, but not a spare moment to write. I thought over winter break I would be able to get a large portion of my book completed, but I didn’t even open my novel binder. And Lord have mercy, TOMORROW IS FEBRUARY!!

All of that complaining was to simply lead me into what I have to say now: It is ok to not write publicly. I always said that if my blog became too stressful and too time consuming I would delete it. So it doesn’t bother me that I haven’t published anything in over a month. Coming up on a month and a half.

BUT it does bother me that I have barely written for my own love for writing. I fight battles with my words. A stroke of a pen does more good to my heart than talking to any therapist could ever give me. There is a part of my soul that I can only reach when I am alone in my room, wrapped up in blankets, and my hand is attempting to keep up with my mind and heart as they dance such a beautiful duet. All of my “problems” seem to disappear for that short while. I saw the photo below on Pinterest and I had to share it here. It is so beautiful and so true. And it reminded me of my deep love for books and why I so desperately dream of becoming an author.

Source: highexistence.com via Sarah on Pinteres

I will leave you with one of my all time favorite quotes, but before I do. I am sorry this post wasn’t necessarily rejuvenating or calling for revival or calling on the name of Jesus. But I do hope that it encourages you to pick up a book, sit down by the cozy fire, get a blanket and a cup of something warm (I adore coffee, tea, and cocoa), and put your world on hold so you can step into the world an author so delicately and intricately designed for you. Because, my friends, THAT is why I write.

“Stories can sneak past the ever watchful dragons that guard your heart.” – C .S. Lewis

– Sarah (:

Planet Cakes, Questies, and Kiwi-A-Gogo Land.

3 things you may not know what they are, and if you do know what they are then you would never expect these 3 things to be put together in a blog title. Did I catch your attention? Hope so.

Planet Cakes are exactly what it sounds like. A Cake shaped and frosted to look like a planet. Why you may ask? Because I am doing horrible in my Geology class and I wanted to do an extra credit project! Claire, my lovely roommate, and I worked together to create the entire inner-solar system for 2 whole percentage points on our final grade!! 2 Whoots for cake!!

[oh hey ingredients! 8 boxes of cake batter. 4 tubs of frosting. 18 eggs. 1/2 gallon of milk. lots of food die]

[like I said. SO MUCH food coloring.]

[this photo was taken to deceive people that I did most of the work.]

[but really KRISTIN did! Sweet sweet friend, and her brother Alex being the official mixer.]

[TADA! The Sun, Mercury, Venus, Earth, and Mars all in delicious cake form.]

[kissing and thanking our audience who we know is giving a standing ovation by now.]

It was such a blast and I am so thankful and glad we spent our Monday night making cakes!! I loved every second of it!

Next on our list is…. Questies! Now I have talked about Quest before in a previous post, but tonight I will be talking about it in a whole new way. Quest, which is the college version of Young LIfe, cannot really be described. It must be experienced. But frankly, what I want to talk about is how much I love it. Just so much. Young Life is where my heart is and it helped shape me to who I am today and it’s something I want to spend the rest of my life being a part of whether God calls me to go on staff or not. Anyways… I love Young Life and what it stands for and what it’s mission is. Tonight was so good for my heart, because we talked about what it looks like to be a leader and to share the gospel for what it really is. This is what Young Life COULD look like if you were to ever poke your head in:

[yes the room is usually this stuffed and yes we sing lots of songs, karoke-style, off a projector.]

So why am I writing about singing songs and cram-packed rooms? Because I love the way kids get to see Jesus in a whole new way. They get to be chased after and fought for, because leaders love kids, because Jesus loves us. It’s so beautiful and so wonderful. And tonight, at Quest, we were talked to by current leaders explaining just how great, hard, exciting, fufilling, difficult, tiring, wonderful, and rewarding being a leader can be.

[a sample of leaders who came to Quest to answer all of our eager questions about leading.]

So I guess the two things I wanted you to get out of knowing a little bit about what Young Life looks like (even though I could write books upon books about Young Life and this blog really doesn’t explain at all how wonderful it is or what all goes on at a typical club) I wanted to talk to about WHY I’m NOT a Young Life leader. But Sarah if you are so in love with the heart of Young Life how could you NOT be a leader? I know, I know. It doesn’t make any sense to the naked eye. Trust me. But this is why:

Because I am taking a stand for something I believe in, something that God is calling me to. Helping women get out of a trap. That’s what sex trafficking is. A trap. A horrible, disgusting, unruly, trap. Barf. It literally makes me sick. But here I am. Sitting in my dorm room, safe and sound just ‘waiting’ for my time to go. God’s called me to seek after these women with all of my heart. Showing them the truth and the reality that this isn’t what their lives have to be like. There are people, and organizations, and teams, and supporters all hoping, wishing, and praying for their freedom. Because they deserve it. God designed them to be free and safe and cherished. So I am beginning my journey towards my march of freedom. In January I am GOING. I am leaving my comfort zone and sacrificing so many of my current desires, like being a Young Life leader, for these women. Because they deserve it! I am going to Australia (or as Claire calls it Kiwi-a-Gogo land). And there I will pick up my weapons and join the battle. I cannot be leader right now, because of the timing of my trip and how that would interrupt my time with my kids, but for now I will pray. And you can too.

As I am praying in this season of lent I am praying for Young Life. For the kids, the leaders, the staff, the talks, the skits, the joy, and the presence of Jesus there. AND I pray for Sex trafficking. I pray for the girls, the children, the women, the men, the traffickers  (which is most definitely the hardest thing I have ever done), the supporters, the buyers and users (also hard), the organizations fighting, and for Jesus’ truth to be proclaimed. Pray with me? Hourly? Daily? Or just once. Pick up your armor and join me.

Resting in Christ’s calling

– Sarah (:

Overloaded.

This is my kitchen. Overloaded. Ironically, it is a perfect metaphor of my life right now. All of these glasses were useful at one time. All of them were doing really well. But then life and time got away from them and they still haven’t been cleaned, or “Re-charged” if you will. And so they are now useless and sympathetically helpless. I cannot afford the time to wash them and clean them up in order to focus and be able to effectively use the mugs to succeed with all the different aspects of my life. But the big bowl at the bottom willingly holds them. Just waiting patiently for me to re-focus. The big bowl, similar to how my father holds me, will take the mess and keep it compacted while i’m off running around trying to “Regain control.” Funny enough, if I took the time to clean the dishes… (if i took the time to pray and sleep more) I would gain such an advantage as the bowl. But right now it’s doing everything it can to keep me from going insane.

But luckily for me, there is a greater joy. My father will do the dishes, which this bowl cannot accomplish. Daddy not only holds the mess but He is willing to take it all away for me if I let him. Giving Him the stress and the problems and the anger and the tears. He is able to remove all the pain and just hold me instead. To hold the one He values and loves.

My dear friend Haleigh encouraged me with this, and now I give it to you, “…I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” – Isaiah 46:4

Have a marvelous Thursday. Chin up.

Feel free to comment below or contact me letting me know if you are as overwhelmed as I am. I hope this post gives you hope in some way. If you are a freshman and you feel like this…. this post is to let you know that you aren’t alone.

– Sarah (:

Taking a Deep Breath.

Where to begin? Seriously, I have no idea…..

This weekend included: Getting sick, driving to Chattanooga, hanging out with John and fam, running errands, going to the CCS football game and seeing Manny, hanging a shopping cart by a flag pole and then getting stabbed in the hands and legs due to a giant fence, preparing for the concert, the concert, sleepover with Becky, eno-ing, rushing to get John ready for Spain, last minute shopping, party with Mrs. Hoffman until 3 am., driving to Nashville, saying goodbye to John, hanging out with Lauren McAllister as she set up her blog and gave me a tour of Lipscomb, driving to Knoxville, and working.

…In….1,2,3,4….Out. In…..1,2,3,4…..Out.

Ok. So let’s just say this weekend was crazy. I need to state the obvious first. I am so proud of John. Check out my previous post to read more about that. But honestly, I couldn’t do what he does and what he is doing!!

Next I need to say that I want to alter time. I need to stop the clock and sleep for 5 days. I need to recoil and recharge. I need to spend a week simply recovering from the past 4 months of my life. I have not stopped running since before my high school graduation. Rarely taking time to stop and smell the flowers and rarely recognizing the beauty of rest and peace and quiet. So I’m telling myself, “Self, it’s time to rest.” But at that moment the world grabs at me and pulls me in a thousand directions. I am falling behind in work, school, financially, and socially. I have yet to balance out my life. What am I to do? How is this possible? When I try to catch up on one aspect of my life… the other 3 pull frantically.

As I am stressing about the truth in the above statements I am convicted. I didn’t even mention faith. Where is that aspect of my life? Where have I placed God in my life? [CORRECTION] Where have I placed myself in God’s time? In His plan?…. I need to readjust my attitude, recognizing that my life on this Earth is chosen for His purpose, not mine. My world revolves around God’s will, not mine. I am called to be a student, a friend, a girl friend, and an employee, but most importantly I am called to be HIS. A loving child just willing to be in His arms. Think about this. Does He not desire for us to live in sync with His timing, His plan, His thoughts? If we allowed ourselves just a moment to breath, would we not be able to hear His whispers? I feel, that if I paused MY schedule just long enough to BE STILL in the presence of the Almighty, I might actually learn something. Don’t you?

So this afternoon, I am spending an hour just being still. The essays can wait, the test prep can wait, the math can wait. I am called to be a good steward of my time by placing it wisely in His hands, because after all, it’s His time, right? He just blesses me with a glimpse of it.

– Sarah (: