The words that touched my heart this evening are from a dear man who’s words have consoled my heart for several mourning cries.
You feel overwhelmed by distractions, fantasies, the disturbing desire to throw yourself into the world of pleasure. But you know already that you will not find there an answer to your deepest question. Nor does the answer lie in rehashing old events, or in guilt, or shame. All of that makes you dissipate yourself and leave the rock on which your house is built. You have to trust the place that is solid, the place where you can say yes to God’s love even when you don’t feel it.
- Henri Nouwen writes in his book The Inner Voice of Love
This explains the irrational, almost-emotionless being I have become. I no longer feel. I have joy and I have my loved ones. These times and memories I will never forget. But this is a day when my heart greaves. As I watch cute couples become engaged, or discuss their future, I bottle up the agony it causes me to watch their happiness. I am not at all un-happy for them. I simply long for their form of happiness. BUT I am beginning to heal. A song of praise came into my heart after reading Henri’s words that brings joyful tears to my eyes. You are My All in All. I used to sing this song in bible school…. so this is prayer this evening. That I can remember that in fact Jesus IS my All. Listen to the words. They are my prayer and a beautiful reminder.
Thanks for listening.
- Sarah (: