The Next Step.

If you missed it, you need to start this post by reading my previous post, The Morning After.

Last week I wrote about my experience with sin, for me it was a specific sin, but I hoped to make it relatable to anyone’s personal sin. I hope you found a way to relate it to your life, because sin is something we all have in common. I think it is interesting that I had the highest ratings in my year and a half of blogging on the day I wrote about the most simplest fact. We all sin. My second highest post viewed is this one which again, discusses sin. My mother, after I called her to tell her my high ratings, said, “I think you hit a social nerve.” And that’s when it hit me… No one talks about sin anymore! 

We all sit in these social circles of success, wealth, careers, degrees, experience, networking, etc. where we are all expected to put on these masks: Nothing is wrong, Nothing has ever been wrong, and Nothing will ever go wrong. But WHY? Why do we do this to ourselves?! If we are honest, we know, NO BODY lives like that! It’s impossible. Things happen. People make mistakes. HELLO, we are human!

So then two days after I write about sin, I go have coffee with two lovely girls. It started off as a casual coffee date, but God turned it into us tearing down each others walls. Sin comes out, TRUTH comes out, and for the first time it’s OK to admit to having sin. We learned that we shared heart break, we all dealt with similar struggles, and the burdens we carry we no longer have to carry alone. That night, I lay down in my bed, and just took a deep breath, because I am no longer alone on this journey.

Two days after that, I find myself having a heart-to-heart with a friend who doesn’t like heart-to-hearts. It came at a coincidental time, when both of us could have been doing lots of other things. But all of a sudden,  I openly admit to my imperfectness, and she generously and lovingly reciprocates. Both of us have trust issues. For her, she grew up in a house that breeds trust issues, for me, I trusted people until I got burned by my entire high school, family, and friends. But God put the two of us in a room, where we were comfortable, and it almost seemed casual, to bring up the dark spots in our past.

I have memorized a piece of James and it says, “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials. Knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” – James 1:2-3

This is SUPPOSED to happen. God has placed us here, not so that life was easy, but so that the people around us could walk us through it. This generation is so twisted in our ways of hiding our failures and exploiting our success. Yes, I hope we take joy in one another’s successes, but I hope even more we give encouragement and love in other’s times of trouble.

I encourage you, to talk about it. I’m here to listen, my contact info, is on the right side of this screen. Send me an email, message me on facebook, call me, do what you gotta do. Find a friend, a good friend. And say “Hey, I need to talk,” because friends, this walk isn’t meant to be taken alone. The time has come when you let someone help you, for Heaven’s sake, be vulnerable! Be honest, with everybody and with yourself, and admit that you’re imperfect. It’s hard. It’s REALLY hard, but it’s amazing what God can do when we let Him bring the light into our darkness.

- Sarah (:

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The Morning After.

Satan whispers, “It’s going to happen eventually. You never have been able to break your habits.” I believe him, because it appears to be true. I should have reminded myself that his is known for lying to get his way. I tell myself, with Satan’s evil encouragement, that I am too dirty and too ugly and undesirable to be wanted by anyone else. This is what I have come to think. My emotions are building and now I am crying. Crying because I don’t want to do this, but I think I can make it my escape. I cry out, “God I need this,” and he replies, “My beloved you only need me.” And then I say the words I regret the most, “Sometimes that’s not good enough.” I have hurt Him. Did He see this coming? Of course, He is the Almighty. Did he want to? Absolutely not. I can hear Him crying. It’s a soft, heart-breaking, cry. My mind shuts off, the argument is over. I cry as I pour my emotions into this empty pit. As everything comes to an end the tears don’t stop. I continue to cry and I hear His words with His intimate gentleness, “Beloved, when are you going to learn this will never satisfy you?” I cry myself to sleep as I turn His words over in my dreams.

This morning, I sit, determined to learn. Determined to reach for the thing I have never grasped. God be my teacher. Mold me.

I am Yours.

- Sarah

Oh shalala la.. It’s My Birthday

Today I am 19. How extremely excited I am to be here and alive. When I say “here” I mean Knoxville. For those of you who know me, you know this wasn’t exactly my first choice. But the funny thing, is God does mysterious and mighty things.

Last year on my birthday I wrote about the blessings God has given me, which He does indeed deserve, and in truth I was rejoicing in the mourning. On my birthday and for the next months to follow I was going through the hardest time of my life. I was depressed and rebellious and terribly upset with where my life was going. I remember the dark moments, along with the good. But friends, my God is faithful!! He loves me through it all and He willingly pours His grace and mercy over me.

I am reflecting on how different I have become over the past year and the moments that God gave me in order to draw me near to him. In the past year, God has given me the blessings of:

Southwind, a place where I spent a month of my life learning what it means to pursue the lost in a whole new way, and how to stand firm in the grace of God.

My Nannying Job, a month long job as a nanny for the Napolitanoes in D.C. where I got to live by example and truly embrace a daily ‘regular’ life with Christ.

I fell in love. I dated someone who I truly gave my heart to and joined in companionship with under God’s law and for the Kingdom.

My roommates: Claire, Kristin, and Caroline. Three beautiful girls who continually challenge my daily relationship with Christ and what that looks like at a secular university.

I broke my foot. God taught me to humbly accept help and patiently wait for Him to come to me.

I got in a car wreck. I was shown what it meant to give up the control of a situation. I was taught to become aware of the presence of God, instead of trying to live life with Jesus in the background.

I was broken up with. For reasons that are still unclear to me, and for reasons I don’t necessarily agree with, the guy I was in love with broke up with me. While I rest in the romancing love of God and the eternal understanding that I am never alone, I have become comfortable and forgiving the relationships that are started and under God’s firm hand.

I went on a cruise. My family took me to celebrate Laura’s 21st birthday in the Eastern Caribbean! It was a blast and relearned the appreciation for family and quality time with them.

I went to the beach on spring break. I got to spend a week loving on friends and rebuilding friendships that have been weakened through busy school schedules and other relationships.

And I got a new car. My parents bought me a car teaching me that all good things come to those who wait. I learned that things can be replaced, people can’t, and that God forgives and so do insurance companies.

God is faithful. He gives us ups and downs. He fills our lives with opportunities so that not only do we grow, but so that we are turn to Him. My Young Life leader used to say that people, like me, with such stubborn personalities have to be broken by large moments. I would indeed say God fills my life with big moments so that I lean on Him, not me. I am not able, but He is!

I will leave you with my favorite Psalm. I believe it reflects my life in general, but specifically my past year.

Psalm 27

Of David.

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When the wicked advance against me
to devour[a] me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.

4 One thing I ask from the LORD,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.

6 Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.

7 Hear my voice when I call, LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
Your face, LORD, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.

13 I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

- Sarah (: